What’s Star Wars?

I found out about a very silly essay defending the Star Wars prequels. The writer is basically arguing that the underlying structure of Star Wars is akin to that of a ring where each movie repeats and is interconnected, or some other pseudo-intellectual crap. He pretty much ignores the fundamental problems with the films and instead focuses on some dumb theory that’s completely irrelevant to the ways humans create and retain narrative (who cares about similarities between the films when the stories and characters themselves suck?) I’m not a Star Wars fan (I prefer Star Trek) and I’ve always felt that even the originals weren’t very good, but at least were somewhat competent, aside from some of the acting, in comparison to the prequels. Maybe I’ll read the whole thing, but then again it’s ten whole pages long. Still not as bad as some academic essays I’ve read however.


A cattle of assholes. They stare not knowing,

understanding very little, obsessed

with their jobs and how “great” their lives are.

It’s easy to scowl and jeer at those different

when you’re all the same. I don’t need

a relationship when I have total control

over space. Only certain things matter,

and I’ve found them all in a single place,

flashing with life. People will pass, only a few

understand, but even fewer will ever see

what I truly am.


People pass into the folds of something

without recognizing your insignificance.

You’re bold in the manly multitude

of pale Bogarts blocking the soda machine,

feigning evolutionary perfection behind

a bag of Cheetos. A spirit of confidence

unleashes into an argument

over whether Star Wars is science fiction,

or fantasy, and the girls don’t matter

when you hide within an army of Titans

fighting evil on an empty battlefield.